She said her name was "party"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
