Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
