I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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