gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
