I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
