He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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