even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize