now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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