So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
