life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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