It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
