If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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