people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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