Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
