you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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