i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
