Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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