If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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