yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
