I am puke
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
