Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
