It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
