dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
