Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
