I cannot find my penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
