quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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