You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Two words: blizzard sex
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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