Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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