How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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