I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
