i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
