I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize