My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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