The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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