gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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