He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
