Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
