so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
