i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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