I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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