It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
