she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
