Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize