she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
