I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
