Non-Jews are for practice
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
