Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
