i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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