non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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