Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
