I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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