drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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