I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
