Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
