oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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