We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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