I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
