Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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