I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
