last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
