i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
