am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
