i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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