Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
