so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize